Welcome. This blog project, called “Making Way”, documents my transition from being the lead singer of reggae band Souljah Fyah into a solo music career. My plan is to have a solo music project recorded and released in 365 days from April 1st, 2016, and to invite you to the CD release party on Saturday April 1, 2017. I welcome you to come along for the journey with me.
What does it mean to renew and start over? How does it look to be given the privilege to take a fresh new step on a new path? How does it feel to be unsure, yet committed to letting go of what was and moving into what could be?
God knows, I’ve been writing this blogpost for years. Repeatedly. My friends, if you have followed me, you have seen titles and videos like, “Starting Over”, and “A New Beginning” for a few years now.
So I find myself in this moment – this pregnant moment where there is so much unknown, except for the dreams I have never given up on, and the hopes I have always held so dear. I find myself here again… and rather than ask myself, ‘WHY DON’T YOU HAVE THIS FIGURED OUT YET AFTER ALL THESE YEARS??!!’, I am taking a breath… pausing…. and acknowledging that I am a bonafide badass who doesn’t ever settle for less than my Original Deal when I entered this body and breathed into my lungs on this Earth.
I came here to create – to flow beauty through my body into music, conversation, relationships, words, and deeds. My deal was for my life to be an expression of beauty, compassion, joy, love and my own eternal sense of wonder. I meant to love wildly, with unbridled passion, and to spread this fever across every heart I met. I intended to celebrate with every cell of me, the beauty that is our life here on this planet. I was to Spread Love.
Life has challenged the Original Deal. I have strayed from the path as challenges have arisen. I have spent many a moment craving compassion, wanting for wonder. There have been things, and events, and people who have challenged me. I have seen myself come undone, and not liked who I saw myself being. I have spent time in spiritual spaces that have felt so wrong, so infuriating, so opposite of what I want. It has been … life. And it has been ugly at times. It feels like the Universe has been asking… is this what you really want?
“Go ahead, light your candles, and burn your incense and ring your bells and call out to God, but watch out, because God will come and He will put you on His anvil and fire up His forge and beat you and beat you until He turns brass into pure gold.”
-SANT KESHAVADAS, taken from After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield
To be here in this moment is truly a privilege – being in my body and exploring my path, renewing my commitment to the Original Deal.
Thus, I Am Becoming… Eternally.
“Making Way” is my way to document this new beginning. Truly, there is always an opportunity for a do-over. No matter what has happened… we get a mulligan. Everyone does. My fresh start, documented in this blog, will help me define myself not only as an artist, but also as a healing woman, a seeker, and a flawed and perfect human. My intention is to share the experience of self discovery and renewal, in the hopes that it will help another to do the same. I wish to ripple into the ethers some ribbons of sweetness that will touch another’s soul.
To tell the truth, I’m a bit nervous. I think I have good reason to be. I’m embarking on a solo career after being held so beautifully for 14 years by my family and fans in Souljah Fyah. I’m starting a weekly blogpost, after many years of feeling challenged with the need for consistency with such a commitment. AND I’m saying publicly that I’m going to learn the guitar. This is on a guitar I’ve owned for 13 years and all I can play is Tracy Chapman’s ‘Fast Car’. Egads! You get the picture. It’s a big commitment and I’m doing it publicly. There is the possibility I may fail – repeatedly – kind of like (years ago) the dozens of times I told friends I had FINALLY quit smoking, and then the next time I saw them I would pull out my DuMaurier Light Regular and light up like nothing ever happened. But… eventually, I quit. For Good. And so in the spirit of never giving up, I’m making this step and I’d love to invite you to share this journey with me – through the good, the bad, the temporary setbacks and the small victories.
I can feel my loyalty to what was eclipsing into my interest in what is possible.
I can sense my attachment to the past being slowly unraveled as I forgive my own mistakes.
My desire for a joyful existence holds steady, and my belief in Good grows stronger every day.
This is what starting anew feels like. Getting back to the Original Deal. I’ll watch the synchronicities present themselves as encouragement, lighting this path with whimsy, lifting me with grace and blessing me with benevolent tenderness. Thank you, my dear friends, for this opportunity and privilege to share with you in this moment of a new beginning.